I’ve been choosing mirrors for a long time…

I believe that every creator has a choice whether to focus on the mirror or the glass. Focusing on the mirror you choose the reflection of self over the world behind and thus, overshadow your own authenticity. On the contrary, if you look into the glass, you are able to see your own reflection for a bit, as well as what is standing right in front of you. You get to discover yourself through observation of the outside world, focusing on what’s outside rather than what is inside. The perfect balance between the inner self and the world. 

Choosing mirrors, I’ve realized how selfish it was for me as an artist to choose my ego as an impetus for my creation.  I followed a false narrative, and stumbled upon a problem. 

My art didn’t feel genuine. 

As if I was a hypocrite. On one hand I fought against people who limited the definition of art to a pretty picture, yet on the other I myself put pretty looks above feelings. I was stuck in a never ending artist block that limited me from creating something meaningful, believing that as long as my piece looks good – it’s valuable, and that if it doesn’t follow a certain standard of composition and color palette –  it’s useless. I blended in and lost the feeling of what was right and wrong. I noticed how my views and well being started to change. With each day the further I went away from myself, the more I realized how fragile my sense of self could be.

My actions appeared meaningless to me, I had struggles with self portraits, simply because I didn’t know who I was. This led me to reckless decisions about my future, dreams, and became a starting point for my hesitations on whether I am truly me and do what I love doing, or I just like the idea of being an artist. 

The moment that I realized it, I made my first step away from my ego, and towards myself. I abstained from mirrors metaphorically, as well as physically, because I felt like the more time I spent looking at my face, the less I knew myself. My goal was to focus on what’s happening inside me by observation of the outside world, instead of being distracted by the appearance, holding on to my genuine needs and wishes, instead of self depreciation. I started listening to myself, I was ready to create again. 

One day, I looked around the studio and saw a cup made out of blue glass, surrounded by slightly seen blue reflections all around the surface. There it is, the world that I’ve been searching for. Colorful glass that gazes in the sunlight, creating an illumination with rays journeying through the shards of the rainbow. Different colors of pieces working as a performance art, and ornaments of sunlight highlighting the dark corners of my imagination. To me art has always been associated with something so fragile yet mesmerising like glass.

With time, it has become an integral part of my preparation process. It is an order of actions, a routine. To me the word art itself has a color, sound, and physical appearance in the form of an object. I see blue, transparent blue and I can hear piano chords in fortissimo. But at the same time I see glass, something that can be constantly changed, looked at as an object itself, or used as a prism to look at everything else. 

Whenever I get prepared for my creation process, glass is the only thing that appears in my head, in different forms, shapes, and colors. I chose the path of focusing on it, looking beyond myself to analyze the world, express, experience as well as bring some sort of meaning, value through visual storytelling. This whole entire time the path to myself was in everything else that is beyond the glass, and my own reflection.