Today was a good day, felt like a dog being fed chocolate before getting euthanized. Subterrarian homesick alien.

after sitting with it, whilst it has kept me restlessly awake for 2 or so days, ive realized that i might be having some problems with realia. i come up with hundreds of scenarios everyday, sometimes they have little to do with my current, other times it weils over it, elongating it into a desirable direction for me. like a card trick, except that I don’t really care for the card, but rather tossing is what matters. i may lose a million things in a millisecond but that wouldn’t matter much to me as i have kept millions of copies of those things in little pockets of my shattered kaleitoscope-y world. nothing ever matters fully to me, come to think of it. it’s almost as if i have everything & nothing at the same time. sleepy.

I want to lay town & put my head under a harmless brick & stab myself with a butter knife.